Stupid Shit People Have Said At My New "Job"

People, stop listening to the Diesel ads, it's a shitty brand and it's a bad idea.  Actually, don't because I wouldn't have as much to write about.

POW POW POW.. amaazing

-"Is poultry considered a fish?"

-"My mom is half Panamanian and Nicaraguan, my dad half Mexican and Filipino, so my mom speaks Panamanian."

-"Aren't Thailand and Taiwan the same thing?"...
 "Thai people are like, the most revered Asians.  We have tiers, just like Spanish people.  You wouldn't call a Dominican a Puerto Rican, just like us... My grandmother hates my Laos step-mom and the other Laos people she brings around."
 (I asked, "Do you mean Laotian?", she responded with "yeah, low-aaaa-tion")

-"I loooove seafood, last night I cooked salmon or tilapia or swordfish, I don't remember." and also         "What's the one where you eat it out it's shell?"
"Oysters or clams?"
"Yeah, I don't remember which one I had, but I loooved it."

-"I know that Pittsburgh is on the West Coast, right?" followed by
"Whatever, I only go to Europe, I'm just here because I have citizenship. I'm like in Germany, and like in England, in Europe you know.  In Hamburg, that's in Germany, you know."

-"Giving the customer a taste from a bottle is ONLY wine, you never pour a taste of champagne." As told to by the manager accompanied with a glare and tone that implied I KNOW NOTHING about service.

-I did have a great heart to heart with a bartender about how to survive prison, he spent some time in Pelican Bay or San Quentin, I don't remember... He taught me how to make proper shanks, how to inject heroin without a needle, smoke crack, infect someone with a feces-covered pork bone so that the bone splinters inside the victim, how to avoid becoming a "bitch", and most importantly how to stack your paper while still inside.

face tats/fashion tats/real vs. fake

We all love the David LaChapelle image of

but sometimes brandlove goes too far.

but I do love me a little My Little Pony+Louis Vuitton

this little piggy went to LV

Answers:

1. Real- French Rapper Swagg Man

2. I'm not sure but I do hope so

3. Real- Wim Delvoye really tattoos pigs

4. Fake- Louis Vuitton made some temporary tattoos, Marc Jacob's commissioned his tattoo artist

5-10. Real.  

10. is Marc Jacob's ex

11-13. Fake- Beyonce's House of Dereon also has temporary tattoos.

Graf

Lovely images I've been so lucky to pick up while living in NYC with the technological advance of a camera phone, I can now share them with you.

Dickchicken has been a fav of mine for sometime.  I was so lucky to enjoy a print of this right outside my job this summer.  This is in a subway station, L train Montrose stop.

Duh.  Crosby and Prince.

L train, Lorimer stop.

"Moonwalker you definitely cried got laid to michael jackson songs recognize cuzin!"

Lafayette and Prince.

If you love these, you'll enjoy my friend's blog about construction graffiti.

Chanel

Real Cracka Cuttas would never mix metals. But they would wear sequins at all times in agreement with the ManRepeller. 

We do definitely rock awesome tats, and I found a couple awesome tats made by the house of Chanel. These are temporary and available for a mere 75.00$.  Forget going down to Kids at Heart on Hawthorne, or Finnegan's across the street from the downtown library, and picking up a whole booklet of sparkle-glow-in-the-dark unicorns for 2.99$ NO TAX because you live in Oregon.  You need to take your ass online and order them grown up temporary tatz.

This guy is probably the only one that could really hang with our crew.  Gutter punks beware.  Nothing says "I'm so hardcore and sooo riche, fuck you" like Chanel face tats.

Cru Lyfe

Being in a Crew is the shit.  I happen to enjoy membership/founder status for quite a number of crews.

CC
"Cracka Cuttas"
Founded:  Sometime during Sophomore year at SMA, 2002-2003.
History:  In the angsty years that are AKA highschool, my friends and I decided that being at an all girls prep school was "just too much", "unbearable", "miserable", "alienating", and sooo unique that no one else could understand our "awesome" method of dress and disdain for fellow classmates.  I have too many pictures of the awful outfits I used to wear to be 'different'.  We began Cracka Cuttas because it combined our intense disgust at the over-ambitious/studious/dicksucks/sheltered white girls and our love for fashion in one fell swoop.  It also made us look really bad ass because we had a gang sign we could throw up, that also happened to resemble the Chanel sign.  Though Karl Lagerfeld is a total creep, Coco was a pretty gnarly and feisty bitch. And we were really punk rock. PDX PUNX 4 LYFE.  Ghetto Punk is a really good look. But more on that later.
Members/Symbols:

Drink of choice for 15 year old girls

AO

"Aesthetic Outlaws"

Founded:  May 2010

History:  I saw the label on top of a vent going into my subway station.  It really set the tone for my mindset for the rest of the summer.

Members/Symbols:

Also rhymes with aaayo oooeee oooeee oeee ooo 

TGL

"Three Guys Laughing"

Founded: November 1st, 2009.

History:  I am not really a part of this crew, given the fact that I am without penis, and the crew can only have THREE GUYS.  But all of the boys in this crew have seen my boobs, because I'm really Euro-liberal and believe in topless beaches/skinny dipping at 5 in the morning in a hotel in Atlanta/getting drunk at their place of work and wearing a scarf for a shirt.

Members/Symbols:

Obviously, I my palate has matured over the years from Bacardi 151 and 40s to Jeroboams of champagne.

Boyz House

Awesome vid. My daily life.

Nice One Dude

A lovely little chat at 6 in the morning with a roman numeral.
The "Tom" in reference was a degenerate drunk who stumbled into the diner we were in previously, paid with a personal check and belligerently invited my company to join him to a "celebrity" hang out on Mott Street, he also offered us "hard drugs" like an 8 hour penis pill and ibuprofen. He left screaming "I used to live upstairs!".

The End